Fighting or arguing with your spouse is one of those inevitable things you will experience in marriage. And considering every marriage is unique, fighting fair in marriage has a different meaning for every couple.
Those early months of our marriage were very challenging and difficult. However, with effective communication, we were able to fight fair and resolved our heated arguments peacefully.
Is it even normal for married couples to fight…. about nothing?
The short answer is yes.
As a married person, you will disagree with your spouse from time to time. (Which is okay.) Because you are two different people with two unique personalities, thoughts, and opinions.
The tough part is learning how to disagree or fight fair with your husband or wife.
And if done in a healthy way, fighting fair with your spouse can be one of the best things for your marriage. Which means disagreeing or arguing in a healthy and respectful way.
When couples in a healthy marriage fight, they are able to resolve their issues, make peace, and improve their relationship. Instead of giving each other the silent treatment, fighting over the same issues, and blaming each other over and over again.
Why do married couples fight?
Well, there are a lot of different reasons. And even triggers that cause couples to fight all the time.
Some of the reasons and triggers are:
» Fighting about who does the chores, the laundry, where the shoes go, cleaning the dishes, replacing the toilet paper, etc.
» Arguing about the kids, which parenting method is the best, how to discipline the kids etc.
» Difficulty connecting with each other or having personal time for yourself.
» Career: working late hours at the office, or working for a majority of the time while at home.
» Communication: not understanding each other’s love language, not clearly understanding each other’s statements.
After I got married to Marcus, I thought that when we disagreed on something, the name-calling and hitting below the belt was normal. Marcus never, not once, let his temper (he has one it just rarely comes out) get the best of him to the point of him calling me a name or belittling me.
He would sometimes say, “I need you to stop talking to me and leave me alone before I say something we will both regret.”
That statement alone taught me so much!
Wait, we don’t have to do anything like name-calling, etc.? We won’t hurt each other, and have to apologize for things we didn’t mean later?
It was a paradigm shift for me, and immensely increased my respect for Marcus. I was the hot-tempered fly off the handle type in the first few months of our marriage. But I’ve now learned how to take a deep breath, and not just react, but to think it through first.
Just like any married couple, we have disagreements from time to time. Sometimes we have to just agree to disagree on certain topics or give each other time and some space. Then revisit later once we both have had time to let our emotions die down and think. – Ashley
Sometimes you will fight or argue just to vent, or release anger
This means you have to listen and watch carefully when you believe an argument or fight is about to happen with your spouse.
With all the issues married couples face on a daily basis, fighting in marriage can easily become the norm for some couples.
But that shouldn’t be the case.
It should rather be fighting fairly or arguing in healthy ways for the ultimate good of each other, which in return helps you stop fighting with your spouse.
How to stop fighting with your husband or wife all the time
Is fighting or arguing with your spouse all you do in your marriage?
If yes, we believe it’s best to sit down with your spouse to figure out what the root cause of these fights. It could simply be the result of poor or no communication between the two of you. In that case, learning